Let me start out with honesty, my reasons for writing this blog are somewhat selfish. Not selfish in the way I imagine the representative from the insurance company thinks that I am. I can hear her judgement as she says, "Oh, is this for an infertility medication? I have to transfer you to that department." Or maybe I'm just sensitive because I'm full of hormones, but this blog isn't about hormones, procedures, medications...
But this blog... This is a place to share how women keep faith when life doesn't turn out the way we thought it would, or should. This is where it is discussed that the fairytale doesn't play out the way we plan. I want to talk about how we move forward from day to day, all of us women, not just those of us struggling with infertility. Women grow up as girls with ideals, visions of an expected adulthood. We wear towels on our heads like veils, sing into hairbrush microphones and carry baby dolls around. All of a sudden we are adult grown women and we look around to find that there is no magical marriage, no stage and no baby.
I have to believe that our journey in life makes us who we are and that we are given challenges so that we can grow into better humans. I have to believe that we look back on the difficult times in our lives and are grateful for them because they made us who we are. But, let's face reality, it sucks big time to be right in the middle of a struggle. When it comes to getting pregnant, it's that nagging sadness at the corner of all of your thoughts, that constant feeling as if something is missing and the constant feeling of not having control. It is the haunting thought that what you want may forever be just out of reach.
This is where the selfish part comes in, I also have to believe that people go through this and come out the other side without having lost their mind or having given in completely to despair. The thing is, I don't know how they've done it. I battle with despair and negativity every day. It is a constant effort to attempt to stay positive and not wallow in the ever-so-tempting "why me?" pit. With this blog, I hope to find women that have struggled with infertility and survived and I want to pick their brains. I don't want to know about what positions/ointments/treatments worked to get pregnant, I want to know how they survived this part, the waiting. I want to find them and share their stories. I want this for myself because I just don't know how to do it (that's the selfish part) and for all of us who are trolling the Internet late at night, freaked out after having spent a good hour on WebMD and subsequent links about infertility.
I've thought about this for a long time and I'm finally doing it. I thought about this being a book, a documentary, there's even been talk of the screenplay- but for now, I feel like I need to get a different voice out there when it comes to this topic of "infertility." It has to be in a fluid forum like this so that some level-headed women get their thoughts out there, because what's out there is a whole lot of crazy!! This is not going to be a place where the discussion turns to the medical side of this struggle, except in a general sense. I'm not going to tell you about the procedures I've had or diagnosis etc. You won't find any weird acronyms like "TTC" or "DH" that seem to be very popular on a lot of infertility websites.
So I hope that you have found this blog and it can be an oasis amongst the crazy. Please comment and say hello, let me know that you are out there. Let's start a conversation about keeping faith and hope. Maybe, just maybe, sharing the struggle (even laughing every once and a while) will make it a little easier.
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